::onapia::

first of all!!

kesal aku kesaaaaaaaalll„

koneksi im2 ini juelek buanget kalo peak hour gini (eh jem 10 malem gini peak bukan si, hehe sotoy gwe)

ya eniwei„ ive thought to write on this since this morning..

lately been trying to be a person who doesnt waste stuff, who tries to be efficient, meaning —> use all stuff that i have in my rooms which includes that body shop creamy thingy„ hmm i think it was a body lotion…

the thing is..when i use the liquid (it has changed into a rather liquid form instead of a creamy substance that it used to be, haha).. i smell his scent.. my old boyfriend’s, or my partner’s, or my former lover’s or whatever you called it..

it’s just amazing how a simple stuf like a body lotion can bring you a rush of memories.. the moments you spent with him.. when the world means nothing compared to him..

for a moment, i was taken aback.. never thought i could remember.. even the pain, it’s real… haha the drama queen is back..

yah well.. nice to realise im one of the person who is able to have her memories awaken by the scent…

ps: the reason i smell HIS scent when i use MY body shop is rather private.. one thousand rupiahs if you guess it right!haha!

My life is a mess..

People would say „ is it reaaaaaaally??

But it’s true.. tried to deny it, even justify it.. but the truth always comes back..

Had once read this book.. a perfect mess : the hidden benefits of disorder.. but it’s just about how you do things.. it’s like how you arrange your stuff.. organize work and all that..

mine’s more of a disorder in all aspect

:(

and it’s all because i like to procrast things, to delay it.. i am too confident that i’ll be able to finish it in time ..

that stupid confidence will eat me out„ i know and i dont want it to happen..

therefore„ i„ ona„ will make a pact to myself…

at this point i know im the that kind of person who wants all or nothing..

and now.. i choose all..

it is decided then„

a drastic measure is needed..

i will bring order to my life…

i will put my commitment to a test.. pray i will success

hahahah..

* semoga setelah kmrn sukses dg ngabisin selalu ngabisin makanan dan gak ingkar janji lagi„ yang ini juga bakal suksess!! first step, i will sleep at 12am and wakes up at 4 am.. eat breakfasts at 6.30am and lunches at 12pm fruit at 9am and 3 pm…. order order order „ starting from now„ call me ordamaniacs„ kyakakaka jayuz…

ga masuk gwe hari ini.. sakit perut.. si amalya, nenek centil lt 2 yg suka begawul itu bilang kalo i always have problems with my stomache„ harus dibenerin pola makannya.. tp when i asked gimana caranya, doi bilang makan makaaaan makaaan.. lah kepriben.. yah well eniwei.. ga masuk bikin gwe contemplating..(though it’s like almost sering abis gwe lakuin tp ga da realnya, benciiiiiiiii akuu benciii) wat have i done this past 25 years.. not much not much at all„ and it makes me kinda sad.. kenapa gwe segitu pemalasnya nyari hakikat diri, when the answers is written everywhere.. i open my book of dreams…(you know.. one of those diary book where you write what you wants„ i have one too).. and dissapoints my self coz im barely fulfilling what i want in real life my problem is.. i know what i want, how to get it, but too lazy to do something about it.. does that mean i dont really want what i want..?but then..if i could just zero-in everything i want, then it means i want nothing.. uh oh this is dangerous… when you stop wanting something.. you stop living i guess… or we could see it this way.. ive got what i want… then it’s only a matter being grateful to Allah„ alhamdulillah.. but so many ppl always say you could do more..you could do better..you could reach higher..is that true?how do they know?why are they keep pushing?not that i mind being pushed, im just questioning whether this laziness of me is wrong… do living to our potential is an obligation? or it’s just the right where it’s up to us whether we want to exercise it or not.. but you know what.. no matter how hard i try to justify this laziness..i know something is wrong..which thank god i have that tiny witsy consience.. i lost lots of opportunity, missed lots of moments.. which actually i dont really care.. uh oh i recognize another problem..ignorance… wheww.. ignorance and lazziness..deadly combination nooooooooooooooooooooo lagh jadi kemana-mana when my point of writing is only to remind myself that i could be whatever i want..including a writer.. well at least a writer of my own faith.. * been too long in a cozy comfort place where i dont have to think, be, and deliver the best of me…